ThE LifE anD tImes Of mE
Three weeks since I have written...
is that a record?
Could be!
Life has gone one. School has not stopped.
Work is still coming out my ears.
Family is still questionable.
I still feel the void.
When does the pain stop?
Is it going to be normal anytime soon?
Three more weeks and summer will start.
One more year.
Okay, I think I am done. I just need to show Hannah I can update this thing :)
love
There are so many things that happen in an instant.
Friday March 19, 2004 at 8am my life changed.
My grandpa died. He died of lung cancer at age 76.
A good life for most, but for my grandpa... He died to soon.
It was so sudden; yet, so expected.
There are things I will always regret.
I will regret my miss opportunities and my not having said good-bye,
however, he heard me say I love you. I heard his whisper of a voice repeat it.
I can live off of that memory forever!
My grandpa was (first time I have written about my grandpa in past tense)a wonderful man.
He did not hate anyone. He accept many people/things in life.
He wasn't the most PC person.
He was simply a Midwestern FARMER.
I write this not for you reading to know what happened, but for me.
For HIM! I know he will never read this, but I know he knows my heart
and this IS my HEART.
We did share words of love often. It was more a chuckle at my political trash talk and my belching which lead
then to pity for the guys who had to listen to that.
No matter how many things went unsaid I know he felt them
I know he was and is proud of me.
I am proud of him.
I love him and
I MISS HIM.
Every day I wake up thinking I am dreaming.
But, someday I will be back with him and happy
because I am miserable without him!
love
"These dreams go on when I close my eyes, every second of the night I live another life... There is something out there I can't resist." by Heart
Thanks LeaAnn... it all makes sense.
I don't know what draws me back into my dream world.
What makes me, every night, have better dreams that I do awake.
But, like the song I can't resist falling asleep hoping that
LIFE will be a little bit better. Life wont SUCK as much.
These dreams don't' include the baby and sex dreams :)
Have you ever wondered where the lines of
WANT and NEED got confused or faded?
Have you ever wondered what drove people to
focus on one thing above all else.
I do not say I am without faults.
My faults; however, don't lay with material things.
I don't cling to American eagle catalogues or Gap jeans.
I do not need seasonal attire or
do I desire clothes to last a lifetime.
I exist in the Goodwill market of life.
My seasonal dress changes when I out grow
the comfort of my nike sweatshirt.
It all seems so pointless.
Fashion.
Pointless to live in its existance.
Michelle Lashley
Swarthout Hall
Carroll College
Waukesha
Wisconsin
United States
The World
The Universe.
-or-
Michelle Lashley is my name,
United States is my nation
Carroll is my dwellingplace
And heaven my expectation
This is me in the world. Kind of a minor existence.
Have you ever wanted to be someone (not literally or i do wise)
Did you EVER want to MATTER in the grand scheme of life? To the UNIVERSE?
eh, I gave up.
I matter to those that appreciate me. Maybe even to those that don't.
I don't measure my existence to what I have done or haven't done.
I DON'T feel I have missed anything.
I DON'T feel my life would all be changed if I had changed a moment.
"I do not fear to be alone or to be spurned for another or to leave whatever I have to leave. And I am not afraid to make a mistake, even a great mistake, a lifelong mistake and perhaps as long as eternity too." -- James Joyce
How can he know me so well?
or is it STEPHEN DEDALUS?
In a morbid tone...
If I died tomorrow, I WOULD NEVER regret as some would for things
I have yet to do. Actions do not make me experienced and knowledgeable
for which I have daily proof!
If I were a Buddhist I would fully understand why "suffering is the only promise life keeps."
love
Go Grease Lightning.....
Yay to raw animal passion.
Shout out to Jane
she's making the moves on Tarzan the typical
primitive guy!
I am woman here me roar! Louder than Tarzan!
Eh sort of day.
Classes were ok.
Lunch wasn't bad. If you discount the food the MDR serves.
Coffee Shop experience with Phil and Laura
RARE treat!
hopefully not repeated.
Kennan.... Horrible.
I hate the question. "WHY STUDY HISTORY?"
Well shit, I don't know.
I don't think the authors do either.
AT least the ones writing about the same damn things
the previous read books' author did.
SERIOUSLY... You're killing me people!
Snow... Why me.
Pretty soon, I am waiting, till I can't see out my window.
Tunnels will emerge!
survival of the fittest baby
or not really! :)
love
Scary Dream....
summary.... LOTR characters but not really.
scary creatures... my mom being stubborn
fire... open window.... spears.... me screaming...
mom not moving... finally woke up.
Nightmare city!
Hi. I am back at school.
Isn't it lovely.
Isn't snow lovely.
I am happy. Look at me smile.
Oh the change in my heart and the concealment
of truth hidden within.
Does it matter what my heart says or my mind?
Just leave me be with my thoughts and wishes.
Live on your path is what I say to all.
Enjoy YOUR fun and let me have mine.
Hidden secrets for fear of judgment will not make me HAPPY.
"I balanced all, brought all to mind,
The years to come seemed waste of breath,
A waste of breath the years behind
In balance with this life, this death." -- W.B. Yeats
Love.
